Faith, Hope, Love, & Jesus

Life~Mental Illness~Depression & Anxiety~Faith~Hope~Love~Testimonials~Jesus & More

My Testimonial Video

May 25, 2020

I will be posting a blog with my full testimony, but this is the day that I went from true death to life. This is my baptism from Passion City Church in Atlanta, Georgia. When you read my full testimony (coming soon) you will hear about what a mess I was. The tragedy that struck us in 2010 took the life and soul right out of me. It is only by the love of God and his will and plan for my life that I am here today to be able to share my testimony. I believe “Your Test will become your Test-imony” and “Your MESS will become your MESSage”

Death to Life! You are never alone and I promise you ARE loved!

Life. What is the meaning of life? Life can be wonderful; it can be cruel. Life can bring happiness & it can bring sorrow. Life may have meaning & purpose to some or could have none to others. What life means to me now is far beyond what I ever thought it would mean to me after the day I lost my parents. That is not only the day before my son’s 2nd birthday or just days before Thanksgiving, but what I considered to be the day that I “died.” I experienced a tragedy that sucked every bit of life I had right out of me at just 26 years old. It was the day the enemy stole my heart, my hope, my will to live, & deleted any love or faith I ever had in Jesus. My amazing daddy & beloved stepmother, Pam, left this world on November 22, 2010. I died also, the only difference is that they no longer had beating hearts or blood pumping through their body.

I had an amazing Father & Stepmom. They were devout Christians, wonderful grandparents & just all around the best parents you could ever ask for. I could go on about them for hours.

In late 2009, I found myself divorced & a single mother to a one-year old boy & 7-year-old girl. With the help of my parents, we found a beautiful home for me & my kids & had a great job lined up. They moved closer just to help be there for me & the kids. Life was perfect.

During mid-2010, my father developed rheumatoid arthritis & fell into a deep depression. He was unable to do the things he loved to do & it devastated him. He started drinking, taking anti-depressants & anxiety meds, he was not the man I once knew. Pam was worried because he was getting angrier by the day.

The day before their death was my son’s 2nd birthday party. My father was acting strange & I could tell he had been drinking which upset me. We got into it & as I watched his taillights disappear, I felt sick. Before Pam left, she grabbed my face & said “You are so beautiful, I love you so much & I hope you know that.” When I tucked in my daughter, Pam had left a note on her T.V that said, “Gigi loves you SO much & can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

The next morning, I headed to drop the kids off. When I pulled up, I felt something was wrong. My daughter ran in first. As I walked in, she was standing over him. She thought he was playing possum. A shot gun lied next to him with blood all over. I locked her in the car & ran back in screaming, “what have you done?!” I looked over & saw Pam lying in the bed. I removed the blanket; she was cold, naked, & lifeless. The room was spinning, I could not breathe, there was blood & bullets all over, it was a horrific scene to say the least. PTSD, night terrors, anxiety & depression took over. Alcohol & pills were needed daily. I hated God, became suicidal, & lost custody of my kids. 

This torment lasted 7.5 years. My, now husband, stood by my side but the enemy had such a stronghold on me. God had other plans! He sent an Angel who came to our home, spoke of her daughter’s suicide, how God saved her & recommended a church. We attended it days later, on a baptism day. Such powerful testimonies were given. My husband & I gave our life to the Lord that day. I became alive in Christ & was baptized a year later. I never imagined it possible to feel peace, happiness & live anxiety free. I did not expect to still be living, much less so in love with life, Jesus, & the desire to help others! I was saved & forgiven by God’s Love & Grace. I am living proof that you, too, are loved & can be forgiven! He gave his life for our sins, no matter how big or small. All you must do is ask!

Deuteronomy 30:15-20: I set before you today life & prosperity, death & destruction. For I command you today to love your Lord God, to walk in obedience to him, & keep his commands, decrees & laws; then you will live & increase, & the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

Dear Jesus, hold all your children who live with depression. Send your love through followers & your word that they may be assured of your love in their dark hours. In Jesus name, Amen.

Mark 5:1-20.
Luke 10:19-20

The enemy is trying to defeat me again today. I won’t allow it.

The same power & authority that Jesus walked in has been given to us.
Be mindful of Ephesians 6, the weapons of our warfare. We don’t wrestle against flesh. Your husband is not the enemy. Read through the different parts of our armor & “pray them on” – signifying your agreement that He has given you each one.
Submit to the Lordship of Jesus.

Dear Younger Me,

Please listen wisely my friend, this life is but a blink of an eye and I promise you if you let it, it will just pass you by.

Be a child as long as you can! Have an imagination and let it run wild. Use your imagination outside to play pretend with your friends. Be a tomboy, get dirty and sweat. Bring home frogs and catch fireflies! Don’t forget to play dress up, that is great too. Make up is fun, but always know that you do not need it to be beautiful. God made us all perfect in our own unique ways.

Phones and tablets are always going to be around, but you’re only a child for so long. Don’t spend your youth with your head in that thing. Google is great, but remember, it will not be there for tests and may not be there when you need an answer in life. Study hard, your education is more important than you know. Strive to be the best student you can be. When you don’t understand something, ask for help. If you still don’t understand, ask more questions and practice until you do.

Never be afraid to ask for help. For anything. Ever. When you do not know how to ask, ask Jesus what he would do, he will tell you and will NEVER steer you wrong.

Spend more time with your family than your phone. This will mean the world to them. Family will not always be around forever so make every day with them the best it can be. Although you could never imagine your life without them, sometimes we lose them too soon. So, put them before boys and technology. Look them in the eye when you speak. Always use Sir and Mam, its respectful and too many people forget this.

Be a hugger, you never know whose day you can make with just one hug. Smile often, you never know who needs to be cheered up. Be a good listener. There will be plenty of times when you need someone to listen to you. God listens to us and expects you to.

Be a good friend. Friendships are important and can last a lifetime. Choose your friends wisely. This is especially important, choosing the wrong friends can change your whole life and not in a good way. Remember, I know this all too well. Do not change who you are for your friends. Ever. You know who you are, it is who God intended you to be. Friends will come and go, they will hurt you, & may even steal a boyfriend or two, but that is ok, there are plenty of fish in the sea, some just will not be meant for you. A true friend will never try to make you do something you don’t want to. Always remember that, be true to you.

Never, do anything you do not want to do. Ever. Do not be embarrassed about it either. Be confident in who you are. One thing I really want you to do is know that you are beautiful. I want you to love yourself inside and out. God made us imperfectly perfect and individually unique. Love the person he made. Never let anyone tell you or make you feel any differently. If they do, that is a fish you need to toss back into that sea! Be thankful that God made you, YOU.

You have your whole life to find the man of your dreams. Enjoy your youth, focus on school, and never let any boy make you feel bad about yourself. Listen to me now, when you are young, you will think these boys will rope the moon for you. Do not let emotions control you. Always be in control of YOU. Never let a boy make you feel worthless, inferior, or anything like that. As I just said, always be in control of you!

Respect your body, as Jesus said, “Your Body is a Temple,” 1 Corinthians 6:19. Save yourself for Marriage as God intended us too. I know when you are young and “in love, ” these things can be hard to do and sometimes you will even feel peer pressured to, but for the third time, this I will say, “always be in control of you.” Never let a boy or a man try to tell you what you should do, it is your body to protect and that is what you ALWAYS should do. It will not make him “love you” more, but that is what a lot of them will say and do. Remember to ask Jesus, “what would you do?”

With teenagers today, it is sad to say, but these are the things to keep far, far away. There will be beer and there will be weed, you will be asked, and it will be passed. I beg of you please, to just say, “pass.” Alcohol and drugs may seem “safe” to do, but one night of partying can change a lot, especially you. Therefore, is why I say, choose your friends wisely. With alcohol and drugs come a lot of responsibility and, unfortunately, as sad as it is to say, there are so many parents that lose their kids this way. The pain parents suffer to lose a child is unimaginable, please think about them and your family before you take that first drink. Addiction is something to fear and most of the time, it starts with, “I will just have a beer.”

Life will be hard, there is no mistake but just keep in mind, it all depends on the decisions you make. There will be loss and there will be pain, but it is important to remember that you try and stay sain. There is no bottle or pill that can take it away, every day you wake up and allow it, the pain will stay. If you feel lost and do not know what to do, just look up and ask Jesus, “What would you do.”

We all make mistakes; it is going to happen. Do not be ashamed, just learn from them. Use it to help others know which road not to take. Set good examples so people will want to learn from you. But remember, there is no sin too big or too small that Jesus will not forgive, not one at all. Just be sincere when you ask him for forgiveness, he knows your heart better than anyone else.

This thing called life is easier said than done, but one thing I know is, with God by your side, you can trust in him and enjoy the ride. There will be times when you ask God, “why?” and there will be things you just cannot understand, but I promise that Jesus is your absolute best friend. The love he has for us is even more than that of a mother and child. He died for our sins and is coming back soon. Please live by his word so you can live an eternity with no pain and no end. And remember, you will be reunited with the ones you love… that did the same too!


Depression comes in many forms. It sucks you in and lurks around every corner, behind every door, underneath every bed. It’s in the air you breath, It is the feeling that you are drowning everyday. Depression comes to work with you, on your vacations, your family outings, it tags along on holidays that are supposed to be filled with joy. It even comes to bed with you & terrorizes your dreams so you can not sleep. It is awaiting for you when you wake up & it’s not waiting with a cup of coffee and a bagel to wish you a good day! It is waiting to see you fear the day ahead, waiting for you to avoid your family members and friends, waiting impatiently for you to turn to unhealthy habits & sin to “numb” the pain. It is waiting to see what it can do to ruin the day, just like every other day.

Depression is selfish, it wants you all to itself. It can’t wait to see your chest rise up and down as you try and catch your every breath. This is caused by Depression’s best friend, Anxiety. They are like two peas in a pod. They feed off one another, encourage each other.

When you look in the mirror, you see a failure, someone who is weak. You do not see that beautiful person that everyone else tells you that they see. As a matter of fact, your sick of your family and friends lying to you about it, telling you constantly how wonderful you are. You see someone who is dumb, incompetent, a loss cause. You see yourself as lazy because sometimes getting out of the bed, brushing your teeth, or even taking a shower seems like the hardest thing in the world to do.

What you see in the mirror are LIES

Depression and Anxiety love to weasel their way into your head and play mind games. They tell you that you are never going to accomplish or amount to anything. “Your a disappointment to your family” they say. “No one is ever going to love you, your pathetic,” they say. There “motto,” is to tell you, “You would be better off dead.”

If you have been through something tragic, that is their feeding ground for fun. You can forget about forgetting it, they will not allow that to happen. As a matter of fact, “It was your fault,” they say. According to Depression and Anxiety, you deserved every bit of what you got/get. The blame game; “you could have prevented it and you did nothing to stop it!” or yet again, “Your better off dead,” they say. Your tragedy is their constant full course meal. They put it on repeat in your head so you will never forget what you saw, what you heard, what you did or didn’t do.

The enemy does not come in a red suit with a pointy tail….

Depression and Anxiety are sneaky little guys. They place things on the street, the TV, in the newspaper, around your family and friends. Where ever you go; people, places, or things will pop up to remind you of all the horrible things you so desperately want to forgive yourself for. All the pain and suffering you go through or have gone through, they find a way for it to manifest its ugly face in one way or another.

They are playful, they are bullies. They love to play games. One of their favorites is to stir up trouble and watch you turn your back on your loved ones who are trying desperately to help, but you blame them instead. Accepting responsibility is out of the question. Flashbacks, Night Terrors, and Triggers; these are a few of their favorite games!

Depression and Anxiety cause you to appear awkward & weird. Eye contact with others become almost impossible. Carrying on a normal conversation? Well, you can forget that. You are either fidgeting with something to avoid eye contact or talking about something completely off topic just to have something to say. “They all know you are nervous,” Anxiety says. “Look at what a weirdo they think you are,” plays over & over in your head until you feel the panic start to set in. The room gets smaller and smaller, you get to feeling hot and dizzy, you convince yourself your about to pass out if you do not get away. “Your better off dead than living like this,” you tell yourself.

I am sure this does not come as a shock, but these guys are party animals! They love for you to party with them. “The bottle is a pain killer for your sadness,” they say. “All your pain will be gone after a few drinks or a few pills,” they say. Depression and Anxiety want you to lose control. They take away your “limit” button. Just when they have you at your lowest point, making sure your mind is not clear, “You would be better off dead they say.” When you decide you are done with the unhealthy, sinful ways, they breakout the “repeat” button. Addiction is their strongest power. The peer pressure is so intense, you can’t even see through the black layer of smoke surrounding your mind and your thoughts.

If you really want to upset Depression and Anxiety, just show a little happiness, strength, or a sign of some sort of improvement. A smile on your face is like a blow to their face. You do not deserve to be happy. They put on their strongest set of armor, they come at you full force with all of their lies, games, and tactics. Much harder, stronger, and faster. They pull on you like a rubber band. They lay, what feels like a ton of bricks, on your chest until you give in. Then, the cycle starts all over again.

Stuck on Repeat….

Have you ever heard of the movie, “Ground Hog Day?” That is what living with Depression & Anxiety are like in my eyes. Everyday is a struggle and feels the same. It feels like you have given your voice to Ursella from “The Little Mermaid.” Convinced you that you will never find a Prince to save you from the dark world you are trapped in. No matter how much you try and scream the pain away, it stays with the enemy, where you are held captive under the depths of the water. You tread and tread as hard as you can, but eventually it is easier to sink than to swim.

It takes away your voice to speak up, ask for help, to tell someone how you feel.

My name is Cristin, I am 37 years old and I am a native to Georgia, originating in Savannah, Georgia and growing up in, what use to be, the small town of Cumming, Ga. I now reside with my husband in the North Atlanta area. Combined, my husband and I have 3 boys (10, 11, & 15) and 1 girl (17 years) We also have two fur-babies, Garfield and Odie, which are our over sized, very spoiled & human-like cats.

I love, love, love Mexican food! My next favorite in line would be salads and veggies, contradictory right? I love being outdoors, especially on some type of body of water! I also love binge watching movies and TV shows. I was previously a cosmetologist after attending the Aveda Institute in Atlanta, I love coloring hair and creating art. I have finished real estate school and am preparing for my exam in the coming months. And, of course, most importantly, I love Jesus, my family, and my friends. I miss seeing them during this time we are all having to social distance.

At our Church, Passion City with my son, stepsons, and husband.

We all have been through struggles in life, I want to be open and share some of the things I have experienced in my life. Some are tragic and sad but the good thing is, I didn’t stay there forever. It seemed like forever and I never thought I would make it in this broken world we live in, but I did. The main thing I want my readers to know is that we can all take the negative things we have been through in life and turn them into something positive. It may not seem like it & it may take years or even decades, but your story may help someone else one day. That is why I want to share my story and encourage others to do the same. I hope sharing my story touches someone out there!!!

Me and my beautiful daughter, Christmas 2019
Garfield & Odie

I wanted to create a blogging site based based on things such as faith, love, hope, suicide and most importantly Mental Illness and Jesus. One thing I want everyone to know is that you are not judged here! We all bleed RED. This site is to help & encourage one another. This site is made for you to feel comfortable sharing your stories and reading others. Trust me, whatever your story is, there is someone that has been through the same type of thing. You are never alone! Although it may seem that way, I promise you are loved.

Judgement Free Zone Art Print by Jessica Stock | Welcome quotes ...
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